Horror Games That Bloober Should Remake Instead of Silent Hill 2

Ayyyy! Silent Hill is back! I’ve got to give it to you, Konami. You pulled out some real surprises here. An entirely new Silent Hill that plays out like an interactive movie? Great! Another new Silent Hill made by the Stories Untold folks? Hell yes. A Silent Hill that takes place in Japan in the 1960s? If it makes you happy, I’m happy for you. There’s even a new Silent Hill movie!

And everything would’ve been fantastic if that was it. We’d all be happy. We’d all be cautiously excited that Konami didn’t slam the door on its dick for once after its long history of just taking that door and slamming it again and again and again. Just years of slamming. You’d think they’d know to move out of the doorway but – nope – another full speed door closing. Except Konami had to announce that Silent Hill 2 is being remade by the Bloober team.

And look, I know I’m biased. Silent Hill 2 is one of my favorite games of all time. It still looks great, plays well, and delivers an amazing story. If Konami had just made that version readily available in the PlayStation Store or Steam, it would’ve been amazing. People want to play Silent Hill 2, so give ‘em Silent Hill 2! Everyone should learn about guilt involving the final days of a terminal ill spouse’s life.

But Bloober. Some of you may love Bloober for their work on Layers of Fear or The Medium. And I respect that you feel that way. I understand that you feel that way. I validate those feelings. We should all strive to enjoy games rather than pick them apart. Unfortunately, you’re wrong.

My brother in Christ, Bloober can’t even get the main character’s face to look normal. I’m not sure I trust them to stick the landing. That’s why I made a list of horror games Bloober should remake instead of Silent Hill 2.

Clock Tower

You probably remember Clock Tower from a different list of horror games that featured Clock Tower. You’ve almost definitely never played it. Do you even know the name of the bad guy on the cover holding giant scissors? Scissorman. How about that, right?

Anyway, it sounds like there’s some form of broad strokes exploitable trauma in the game, which makes it catnip for Bloober. Let ‘em go wild. The story is… what? Some kids at a scary school or something? That’s easy! Just add some more abusive father figures that are lionized by the game itself and you’ve got a Bloober classic. Make Scissorman all of their dads. Not for nothing, the Clock Tower games are actually pretty great. You’re missing out!

The Suffering

Of course I’m hoping the Silent Hill 2 remake turns out as well as, say, the Final Fantasy 7 Remake – another project I had my doubts about. Even if I don’t think a game will be good, it’s still a victory if it turns out to be good. If Bloober sticks the landing and creates a fantastic new vision of sorrow, I’ll be first in line to pay.

But I’d be way more comfortable if it remade something like The Suffering. A horror game that takes place in a prison with enemies themed around execution methods? Sounds problematic! It was a different time then! Hard to remake these days! But there’s a lot of trauma for Bloober to not sympathize with! It might take a little spit polish and early ‘00s edge, but Bloober could definitely make the old version of The Suffering into a new version of The Suffering.

Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Zombies Ate My Neighbors isn’t really a scary game. It’s really more horror in theme than anything else. That doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of trauma under the surface to blame on the children. Seriously – the main villain is named Dr. Tongue. That’s pretty inside Bloober’s wheelhouse. At the end of the game (after the kids save the mall of course) Bloober could just do what they did with The Medium and make one victim kill themselves or another victim. Sorry. Spoiler alert. You weren’t going to play The Medium anyway.

Parasite Eve

I was in the middle of writing a paragraph, but then I realized this is a good game people like. Never mind.

Eternal Darkness

Nope. Same as the above.

Dino Crisis

Eh… Too risky to let Bloober have this one.

Dead Space

Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here’s one! Dead Space is already being remade, right? But Bloober doesn’t know that! Just tell them they got the job and then let them go to town on their own. Then you just release the real Dead Space remake according to schedule. Would this be a complete waste of a game company’s money? Sure. Would it keep Bloober from working on Silent Hill 2? Sure.

Luigi’s Mansion

Actually this would be kind of funny to see. Approved.

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